How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away

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New York Times Bestseller

If life were a house, then every room holds a story. What do we do when a room we’re in is no longer a room where we belong?

What do you do when you start to feel a shift and must decide if it’s time to make a change? When it comes to navigating big decisions about when to stay and go, how can we know for sure when the time is right? Though we enter and exit many rooms over the course of our life—jobs, relationships, communities, life stages—knowing how and when it’s time to leave is a decision that rarely has a clear answer.

Podcast host, spiritual director, and bestselling author of The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman offers guidance to help us recognize when it’s time to move on from situations that no longer fit, allowing us to find new spaces where we can flourish and grow.

How to Walk Into a Room helps us begin to uncover the silent, nuanced, and hidden arrows for anyone asking questions like: How do I know if it’s time to move on? What if I stay and nothing changes? What if I leave and everything falls apart?

Through thought-provoking questions, spiritual practices, and personal stories, How to Walk into a Room will help you to know and name the caution flags in your current spaces, discern the difference between true peace and discomfort avoidance, navigate endings even when there is no closure, find peace for when you feel ready but it isn’t time, and courage for when it’s time but you don’t feel ready. 

For anyone standing in a threshold, here’s a book to help discern the how, when, and what now of walking out of rooms and into new ones with peace, confidence, and a whole heart.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“We love a new beginning. But we hate our awkward (or painful) endings. Emily P. Freeman offers gentle and practical wisdom for those of us who need a framework to know when to stay and when to go. This book is a balm to the soul and a kick in the pants from the kindest person you need to read.”  — Kate Bowler, New York Times bestselling author of Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved

"In a time when so many of us have lost old pathways of belonging, Emily meets us in the middle of our anxiety and uncertainty with practical wisdom, gentle companionship, and good questions. If you are in a season of evolution, this book is so much more than a framework for discernment, it is a map for loving God, loving ourselves, and loving our world right in the midst of our uncharted places." — Sarah Bessey, New York Times bestselling author of A Rhythm of Prayer

“Level-headed . . . wise and compassionate resource for those looking to begin their next chapter.”  — Publishers Weekly

"What a relief that How to Walk into a Room exists. Emily P. Freeman is thoughtful, wise, and the perfect teacher for this oft-ignored, deeply essential life skill of navigating life's unknowns. This is a book you'll read again and again." — Kendra Adachi, author of the New York Times bestsellers The Lazy Genius Kitchen and The Lazy Genius Way

“This well-written volume encourages users to ask the tough questions in their lives.” — Library Journal

“Our world is starved for wisdom—which is the knowledge of how to live well. This book is full of wisdom. The writing is classic Emily P. Freeman: elegant, gentle, thoughtful and honest. This book is uplifting and inspiring, while at the same time, challenging and convicting. Who can do that with such grace? Emily can, and does. I am so grateful for this book." — James Bryan Smith, author of The Good and Beautiful God

"From the first page, Emily's gentle guidance will wrap you in clarity and peace as you navigate tricky questions like: Do I belong here? What now? Is it even safe to be myself? If you've ever wondered what to do next, if you should stay or go, or how to walk in your purpose, How to Walk into a Room is for you. This book felt like a balm to a battered soul."  — Sharon McMahon, creator of Sharon Says So

"With the wisdom of a listener and the language of a poet, Emily P. Freeman helps us discern where our lives call for adjustments and how to move forward in peace. Generous and vulnerable, How to Walk into a Room seals Freeman’s fate as one of the great spiritual guides of our time."  — Shannan Martin, author of Start with Hello and The Ministry of Ordinary Places

"With tenderness, care, and vulnerability, Emily P. Freeman takes us by the hand and leads us on a journey of self-exploration for our own flourishing and as a consequence, the flourishing of those around us. This is a book I wish I had sooner and Emily is the spiritual director we’ve all needed."  — Kat Armas, author of Abuelita Faith and host of The Protagonistas podcast

“Endings can be challenging to navigate - indeed, this is one of the most frequent difficulties I see in my psychology practice. Emily P. Freeman offers a compassionate roadmap to managing these internal tensions in order to live a more meaningful and value-aligned life.” — Dr. Meg Arroll, author of Tiny Traumas

“With refreshing vulnerability and magnetic depth, Emily gives us an evergreen guide for life’s myriad transitions. Having read her offering while navigating huge transitions of my own, the tears I cried while reading this book left me with the assurance that she gets it. More importantly, I finished the final paragraphs knowing that God sees me. This is undoubtedly a book to companion you for years to come.” — Ashlee Eiland, author of HUMAN(KIND) and Say Good

About the Author

Emily P. Freeman is the New York Times bestselling author of six books, including How to Walk into a Room. As a spiritual director, workshop leader, and host of The Next Right Thing podcast, her most important work is to help create soul space and offer spiritual companionship and discernment for anyone struggling with decision fatigue. Emily holds a master's degree in spiritual formation and leadership from Friends University.

Review:

4.9 out of 5

98.00% of customers are satisfied

5.0 out of 5 stars A courageous, kind, and pastoral book

M.B. · March 16, 2024

How to Walk into a Room is a courageous, kind, and pastoral book which helps readers navigate the inevitable beginnings and endings in our lives. Emily P Freeman has written very generously, sharing deeply from her own life as an example of what it looks like to discern whether to stay or to go, and her vulnerability opens the door for the reader to follow and do the same. This is a book that should be read slowly and carefully, perhaps in the company of a few trusted friends, and different chapters will resonate differently at different times and seasons, according to the need.The most impactful chapter for me in this first reading was chapter 7, Peace or Avoidance. It articulated my struggle with discerning whether or not the peace I feel when keeping silent is because I was supposed to keep silent or because I am avoiding a hard conversation or a hard decision. I am going to have to let this chapter marinate and settle some, and I think it will help me in future conflicts.Reading this book is like having a spiritual director come alongside you to ask good questions and then giving you plenty of space and grace to answer. And you will also see the grace and kindness of Jesus Christ as a thread throughout the whole book, signposts pointing to the love of God.As a pastor, I feel better equipped to listen well and to be more generous and kind with people who arrive at different decisions and destinations from my own. No one has fully arrived, we are all works in progress, and we are all wrestling with big and beautiful decisions beneath the surface.Lastly I will say that Emily’s writing cadence and style is extremely comforting and invitational, which is incredibly helpful when engaging with beginnings and endings that are often painful.

5.0 out of 5 stars Hope To New Beginnings

D.B. · June 18, 2024

The expression, “When one door closes, another door opens” gives hope to new beginnings. How many of us honestly know how to walk through that open door without schlepping all our baggage or a carry-on? When turning the pages of this gentle, pastoral book, you’ll be enlightened on how to go through your next opened door into your next room with a healthy emotional, and spiritual framework. The process of decision-making will become reliable. Say goodbye to Decision-Fatigue.This book is an extension of Emily P. Freeman’s belief system for the masses. You'll want to stop tediously approaching a fresh start in the same way, expecting different results, and being disappointed. You'll do it differently and rewardingly. She’s a woman whose role is “not to give an answer but to hold space for people to listen to their life in the presence of God, to watch for small or large signs of hope direction, clarity, and light.”Freeman is a five-time Wall Street Journal bestselling, spiritual director-author. According to Google, a certified spiritual director is a paid companion who is trained to listen deeply and has resources uniquely used to deepen a mentee’s spiritual journey. Importantly, the spiritual direction is not need-driven but focuses on the everyday experiences of the mentee and the presence of God in those experiences.Emily addresses mind, body, and spirit while encouraging you to connect with the divine presence of God regardless of your faith, tradition, or spiritual background. She has no agenda and invites the reader to come as you are for a new kind of discernment process.“When something comes into our lives-a doubt, a restlessness, a sense that it’s time to make a change-and we find it difficult to put into words, or we try to express it and are dismissed or ignored, then it makes sense we would begin to outsource our confidence.” Reading this book provides the tools to hear ourselves, grow in faith, and draw us into the community so we have no need to “outsource our confidence.”Part one is about identifying “your rooms in your life.” Becoming aware of which ones you’re questioning and as she adds, which ones are questioning you. She’ll be your companion offering practices and questions to consider as you begin to get clear.Part two you will enter the hallway, “confronting some commonly held misconceptions about staying and leaving.” She’ll guide you to consider what to bring when you exit and what to leave behind. In addition, she’ll help you examine your narratives about 1) answers 2) peace 3) readiness 4) timelines, and 5) closure.In part three you’ll explore how to walk into an entirely new room feeling fully yourself.You’re encouraged to be vulnerable and brave when reading Emily's words. You’re encouraged to accept your human behavior. She swears she exposes more than she’s ever shared in print before. Her profound hope is for you to be impacted with nuance, specificity, and humanity. “A life experience cannot be cliché. Trust yourself to know which parts you need when reading, and which parts you can leave behind.” The bottom line is Emily P. Freeman offers a real structure intended to serve as a guide for questions and an arrow pointing to the next right thing. Wholesome maturing is the goal in our constant evolving, or as she puts it, “continued becoming.”

5.0 out of 5 stars Timely Encouragement

S. · March 13, 2024

I have been a fan of all things Emily P. Freeman for a number of years now and pre-ordered this book as soon as it was available. Diving in as soon as it arrived I knew from the first pages that this was the perfect book for me in this season. Moreover, since life is a series of endings and beginnings, this is a resource that I will be turning to more than once. This has been the case with all of this author’s books as she is a gifted writer and one of the most comforting and calming voices providing counsel that is faith-based, always truthful and always kind. I find Emily P. Freeman to be someone I can relate to easily and count on to talk honestly about matters of faith without ever resorting to trite or pithy “church talk” that is decidedly not helpful, comforting, or uplifting. This is a book I will be recommending to everyone I know!

4.0 out of 5 stars Such a delightful read

M.J.M. · September 16, 2024

Emily has given us a real gem with “How to Walk into a Room.” This book was like a tall glass of water after working outside in a hot day. It was refreshing for my soul. How are you walking with God? How are you growing your relationship with God? These are the type of topics that Emily helps us with as we learn together how to walk into the many different rooms in our lives.

5.0 out of 5 stars Personal. Timely. Relevant.

E.O. · May 21, 2024

EPF's book came at a pivotal moment for me and my husband, as we were re-examining the rooms that we are in and whether to stay or leave. This book spoke to so many of the questions we have been holding, and offered arrows to help us tune into our selves and to God. The companion blessings for hellos and goodbyes gave words to the stirrings on our hearts and ways to pray through the moments of not being ready or being ready and not the right time. I have come to value her wisdom and insight into so much about discernment and decision-making. This book also gave a lens to her story and her own struggle through discerning timely hellos and goodbyes in her own life. Her honesty and vulnerability were touching and showed that the wisdom she offers comes from lived experience and not-so-easy decisions she has faced with her family, her church, her business. I'll go back to this one, again and again.

extraordinary

D.B. · June 27, 2024

This is the book I’ve needed all my life. I treasure Emily’s words and truths. It’s a beautiful book. Thank you.

A helpful, vulnerable & insightful guide

J.C. · March 18, 2024

Keen to read this book, I bought the kindle version whilst having already ordered a physical copy that is not due to arrive until April (I live in the UK & it is launched later here than the USA). I read it in one evening & have now begun it again to travel through the practices & insights more slowly. I would really recommend the book to anyone considering whether to stay or leave an important space in their life. Emily weaves her own story of leaving her church, vulnerably & bravely throughout the book. Writing with the insight & the learning of a spiritual director, this book is a gentle guide to help navigate the often rough terrain of deciding to leave a space that has been significant to you. I have already recommended the book to a number of friends. Thanks go to Emily for putting her experiences into words that resonate & help the reader to feel less alone.

A companion for the tough decisions

L. · March 24, 2024

Emily P. Freeman's latest book is the companion you need when trying to decide whether it's time for a change. The questions she poses will give you insight into your reasons for staying in the room or leaving it for your next right thing. As Emily shares some of her own stories, you see that she understands how hard it can be to make a change _and_ be kind to yourself as you go through the process of making it. Whether you have a big decision on the horizon or want to be prepared for when you do, I recommend picking up a copy of this book.

a brilliant book!

M. · April 25, 2024

I love Emily P Freemans new book. I listened on audible and read some on kindle, so I could highlight.The authors own personal story is woven expertly through a practical and helpful guide to decision making relating to when to stay and when to go!I found the acronym helpful P RAY to remember the key points and I have found myself already using what I have learnt - I love adding ‘for now’ and point and call.It’s gentle and there’s no Christianese at all.I loved it.

A book guide through any important transition

D.V. · March 16, 2024

I deeply appreciated this book! Once again, Emily offers her warm wisdom, and gentle guidance about how to navigate the emotionally challenging territory of leaving a place you belonged that no longer feels like home. For me this book was practical, helped frame my thoughts and swirl of emotions about two major transitions I've experienced over the last 2.5 years, and was also a comforting guide that resonated with my experiences. I felt less alone and well supported. I'm sure I'll return to this book again. Thank you Emily!

How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away

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