The Distance Between Us: A Memoir

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In this inspirational and unflinchingly honest memoir, acclaimed author Reyna Grande describes her childhood torn between the United States and Mexico, and shines a light on the experiences, fears, and hopes of those who choose to make the harrowing journey across the border.

Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years in this “compelling...unvarnished, resonant” (
BookPage) story of a childhood spent torn between two parents and two countries. As her parents make the dangerous trek across the Mexican border to “El Otro Lado” (The Other Side) in pursuit of the American dream, Reyna and her siblings are forced into the already overburdened household of their stern grandmother. When their mother at last returns, Reyna prepares for her own journey to “El Otro Lado” to live with the man who has haunted her imagination for years, her long-absent father.

Funny, heartbreaking, and lyrical,
The Distance Between Us poignantly captures the confusion and contradictions of childhood, reminding us that the joys and sorrows we experience are imprinted on the heart forever, calling out to us of those places we first called home.

Also available in Spanish as
La distancia entre nosotros.

Editorial Reviews

Review

One of the Best Adult Books 4 Teens 2012School Library Journal

One the 15 Best Books of 2012The Christian Science Monitor

“In this poignant memoir about her childhood in Mexico, Reyna Grande skillfully depicts another side of the immigrant experience—the hardships and heartbreaks of the children who are left behind. Through her brutally honest firsthand account of growing up in Mexico without her parents, Grande sheds light on the often overlooked consequence of immigration—the disintegration of a family.” -- Sonia Nazario, Pulitzer Prize winner, and author of Enrique's Journey

Award-winning novelist (
Across a Hundred Mountains) Grande captivates and inspires in her memoir. Raised in Mexico in brutal poverty during the 1980s, four-year-old Grande and her two siblings lived with their cruel grandmother after both parents departed for the U.S. in search of work. Grande deftly evokes the searing sense of heartache and confusion created by their parents’ departure. Eight years later her father returned and reluctantly agreed to take his children to the States. Yet life on the other side of the border was not what Grande imagined: her father’s new girlfriend’s indifference to the three children becomes more than apparent. Though Grande’s father continually stressed the importance of his children obtaining an education, his drinking resulted in violence, abuse, and family chaos. Surrounded by family turmoil, Grande discovered a love of writing and found solace in library books, and she eventually graduated from high school and went on to become the first person in her family to graduate from college. Tracing the complex and tattered relationships binding the family together, especially the bond she shared with her older sister, the author intimately probes her family’s history for clues to its disintegration. Recounting her story without self-pity, she gracefully chronicles the painful results of a family shattered by repeated separations and traumas (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly: Starred Review

“A brutally honest book…akin to being the “Angela’s Ashes” of the modern Mexican immigrant experience.” ―
LA Times

“Reyna Grande is a fierce, smart, shimmering light of a writer with an important story to tell.” -- Cheryl Strayed ―
Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

“I’ve been waiting for this book for decades. The American story of the new millennium is the story of the Latino immigrant, yet how often has the story been told by the immigrant herself? What makes Grande’s beautiful memoir all the more extraordinary is that, through this hero’s journey, she speaks for millions of immigrants whose voices have gone unheard.” -- Sandra Cisneros, author of The House on Mango Street

“The sadness at the heart of Grande’s story is unrelenting; this is the opposite of a light summer read. But that’s OK, because . . . this book should have a long shelf life.” ―
Slate

“A timely and a vivid example of how poverty and immigration can destroy a family.” ―
The Daily Beast

“Grande consistently displays a fierce willingness to ask tough questions, accept startling answers, and candidly render emotional and physical violence.” ―
Kirkus Reviews

“The poignant yet triumphant tale Grande tells of her childhood and
eventual illegal immigration puts a face on issues that stir vehement debate.” ― Booklist

“Powerful, harrowing.” ―
San Antonio Express News

“Eloquent, honest storytelling. This book would be fabulous required reading for college freshmen or, even better, for freshman members of Congress,” ―
Washington Independent Review of Books

“An important piece of America’s immigrant history.” ―
BookPage

“Accomplishes one of the great things books can do: make an abstract idea real.” ―
Christian Science Monitor

“Heart-warming. . . . Even with the challenges of learning English, earning good grades and fighting her way through turbulent adolescence, Grande emerged as a successful writer whose prose has the potential to touch the generation of youth whose story is so reminiscent of her own.” ―
NBC Latino

“Generous and humble. . . . Makes palpable a human dilemma and dares us to dismiss it.” ―
The California Report

“Many of us find it difficult to practice diplomacy with our relatives. But when typical family squabbles are complicated by national borders—as they are in Reyna Grande’s excellent new memoir—the stakes are raised far higher than ‘Who’s cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year?’” ―
Texas Observer

“Grande never flinches in describing her surroundings and feelings, while her resilience and ability to empathize allow her to look back with a compassion that makes this story one that everyone should read.” ―
School Library Journal

“A deeply personal coming-of-age story that extols the power of self-reliance and the love of books.” ―
Los Angeles Review of Books

About the Author

Reyna Grande is an award-winning author, motivational speaker, and writing teacher. As a girl, she crossed the US–Mexico border to join her family in Los Angeles, a harrowing journey chronicled in The Distance Between Us, a National Book Critics Circle Award finalist that has been adopted as the common read selection by over twenty schools and colleges and fourteen cities across the country. Her other books include the novels Across a Hundred Mountains, winner of a 2007 American Book Award, and Dancing with Butterflies, and The Distance Between Us, Young Reader’s Version. She lives in Woodland, CA with her husband and two children. Visit ReynaGrande.com.

Review:

4.7 out of 5

93.85% of customers are satisfied

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, deeply moving memoir

E.C. · September 21, 2012

What is it like to live south of the border and be poor? What is it like for families broken up by poverty when major family members must leave to cross the border and live illegally "in the shadows", sometimes being gone for years and sometimes never returning. And how are the children affected by being separated from one or both of their parents, often being left with relatives that do not want them and even mistreat them? In reading this remarkable book, the reader will find out.When Reyna and her two siblings finally themselves come to the United States, settling in Highland Park, a suburb of Los Angeles, a new section of the narrative begins. There are pluses in their new lives: some health care, better hygiene, good education by teachers that do not hit them, etc. The minuses: the father that brought them to live with him and his new partner (with the mother, strangely uncommitted to her children, returning to Mexico when he told her he did not love her anymore) has many emotional scars from being raised in a violent household and an ever growing problem with alcohol. It is evident that internally he is a severely depressed person that wonders himself at times about his own behavior. He means well, but he cannot overcome himself.Reyna is the only one of the children that completes higher education and achieves professional accomplishments. This book is one of them. Her writing style is solid, intense and natural. The mastery of her craft and of the English language (remarkable in that she started learning English in late childhood) is admirable. Yet she makes it seem easy. That is because it comes naturally to her. This is a talent she was born with. One wonders if she has ancestors that had the same talent, but because of greatly unfavorable circumstances, did not develop it or even recognize it.This book opens up a world of thought. Highly recommended.

5.0 out of 5 stars so good. I couldn’t put it down!

J.P. · August 10, 2024

Really enjoyed this book. This author is super talented and brings you right into the center of her life. Highly recommend.

4.0 out of 5 stars emotional read

A.C. · August 5, 2024

This is an emotional story. With our country currently at odds with the question of illegal aliens crossing the border, this is a timely well written story that gave me a new perspective on the issue.

5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ!

L.F. · January 27, 2021

I just finished reading The Distance Between Us by Reyna Grande. A few friends have actually recommended it more than once. I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of those books that will stay with you and change the way you see things. Reyna really depicts the heartbreak, hope and loss that she went through when her parents left her in Mexico to come to the US to try and build a better life for them. It chronicles the pain of losing your parents to the US and then finally making it here just to lose your identity and the feeling of belonging anywhere but still, against all odds, surviving and making your dreams come true. As a Latina whose parents sought refuge in the US after the war in El Salvador became so dangerous that their very lives were in danger and they sadly lost family and friends, I thought I knew the struggle. Honestly, I had no idea. I feel like my eyes were finally opened. I am thankful that my parents came here and escaped the terrors that were going on in their country because they achieved their American dream with hard work and dedication and thanks to that I have had a wonderful life. Growing up I never had to worry about deportation because as far as I can remember when I was little my parents were residents and there was never any worry of that. They owned their own home and I never had to worry about living situations. I was born here and, while my parents always made sure I knew where our roots are planted, I always felt like I belonged here or there. After reading Reyna’s book I have to count my blessings. Our "poor" does not compare to theirs. Children in other countries are worried about how many years will pass until they see their mom and dad again, whether they will finally eat something after days without food, if their homes made out of cardboard and scraps will survive the rain. You have to read this book to understand why so many decide to come to “el otro lado” and their resilience. I really think this book is a MUST read. I could read it again and again. I loved it so much that I am planning to read the Spanish version next!

5.0 out of 5 stars Moving impactful memoir

L.D. · August 26, 2024

I enjoyed this book very much. Some parts were challenging to read because of the trauma this family faced. It was still very good to learn from Reyna how people experience family separation during immigration to USA.

5.0 out of 5 stars Important read

R. · August 15, 2024

I absolutely loved this book, as heart wrenching as it was to read. It’s such an important story.

5.0 out of 5 stars Loved this book

K.K. · March 18, 2024

This book was excellent! An engaging read from beginning to end! I wish every American politician would read it.

5.0 out of 5 stars Put Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

c. · July 16, 2024

This memoir is beautifully written, allowing you to experience what it feels like to have your parents leave you to forge a new life in the U.S. as well as what life is like for most people in Mexico.

Very moving story

E. · September 28, 2021

Emotional and raw. This book will give you a perspective you may not have had into the lives of those who seek a better life for themselves and those left behind.

Conmovedora historia

F. · June 4, 2020

La primera parte del libro describe la vida de la autora en el pequeño y muy pobre poblado de su Mexico natal, la segunda su llegada a EEUU a los nueve años y su vida hasta los 20. Una historia triste y conmovedora contada de manera esperanzadora. Es la historia de millones de mexicanos que se ven en la necesidad de emigrar para sobrevivir. Muy recomendable, estoy deseando leer la segunda parte de sus memorias, que cubren sus estudios en la universidad y vida posterior.

Mirabel

M. · February 15, 2020

Parfait

Well written personal account

M. · October 7, 2016

The book is a very well written personal account of the author- however I felt the following:1. The protagonist does not do a good job at being content with whatever is good happy and available in life. It seems for her whatever was lost was always more important that whatever was present at any given moment.2. Complaining about what all was wrong about everything is easy and so does the author utilize the same; and hence the "darkness" of a dysfunctional family has been portrayed well3. The author dreams of a perfect life (like all other mere mortals) & it therefore makes her a person easy to relate to in spite of the fact that in the entire account we have only seen her trying to portray herself without flaws & that all flaws were with everyone else around her.A question to the author: no one on this planet is perfect; and that includes You and Your parents and every human being. What if this entire book was read solely through the eyes of 'Papi' ? Would the book sound and read the same way??

Four Stars

N. · March 12, 2017

It was a true story and well written.

The Distance Between Us: A Memoir

4.7

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